Hyperindependence

I have seen a lot of pop-ups on social media about hyperindependence. Hyperindependence

refers to an extreme state of self-reliance and autonomy, where individuals resist seeking help or support from others even when necessary or beneficial. This behavior often stems from trauma or a deep-seated belief that one must handle everything independently, leading to a reluctance to rely on or trust others. Hyperindependent individuals may prioritize maintaining control and avoiding vulnerability, impacting their ability to form meaningful connections and receive needed assistance.

Boy, that hit me. I realized that I was reading about myself. I never knew that this was a thing or that it could be the result of trauma. I thought my independent nature was a plus and sought-

out characteristic, not something that was contributing to isolation and burnout. I had let my guard down with Josh. Or did I? I learned early on that I could not depend on anyone else to take care of me. It’s not that my parents weren’t around. Quite the opposite, they were wonderful and supportive. I had a happy childhood until I didn’t. Trauma in my teens combined with family illnesses left me feeling lost and alone while simultaneously believing that I needed to be the strong one.

This happened again in my marriage. We had moved from New York City. Finally, Nick was going to take the wheel. I had worked 60-hour weeks for 14 years as the breadwinner, and now it was my time to pursue my dreams. Six months. That lasted six months before things fell apart. SIX MONTHS! Nick had spent the majority of the money that we had saved up. Money that was supposed to last five years disappeared into thin air. So, I flew back and forth to New York City to work and pay our bills, because no one else was going to take care of me. Last of all, my husband.

So what now? Well, it starts with the small things like asking for help and admitting that I am

not always ok. I had no idea how hard that would be and how deeply rooted the need for self-reliance had become. Of course, I am grateful for those family and friends who know me best. Those are the ones that just show up. ❤️

Until Next Time,

❤️ Olivia

Read more about Nick, orange popsicles, and new beginnings in Chapter 1