Porno Dave

Hi there, it’s Olivia!

Recently, I read an article about life after divorce and reentering the world of dating. This made me think back to the time when I was fresh out of my marriage and living in New York City. I felt like an awkward teenager. I was acting like an awkward teenager. Practicing the art of flirting and getting excited if a guy talked to me. I was starved for attention and affection later in my marriage. I had no idea what I was doing. I had not had sex in five years!

My friend Jody lived in Long Beach, which was a cute surfer town outside of the city. She had lived in Long Beach for years and knew everyone in town. She thought having a girl’s weekend would be fun to help shake me out of my depressive state. So, I packed up some things and took the train with her to her house that was blocks from the beach. She had set up a busy weekend of BBQs and parties so that I could meet new people and distract myself from my uncertain future. It was exactly what I needed!

So, there I was, sitting on the deck of her friend’s house. Practicing my small talk as we waited for the hamburgers to get off the grill. I was sitting next to Jody’s friend Porno Dave. Well, he was just Dave at the time, the Porno came later. Dave and his friends were chatting about life at the beach. They were all on a beach volleyball team. He asked me if I played volleyball. And mentioned that my height would be an advantage that he didn’t have. Dave was on the shorter side and had the most beautiful blue eyes. As we chatted, I discovered he was a social worker specializing in helping underprivileged children. He was extremely close with his family and loved living in Long Beach. He was also dating, but not in an exclusive relationship. This is all good stuff! At this point, his friends started joking with him about how he likes to order things from the back of Playboy magazine. He then went into detail about how great those gadgets were and how he even ordered custom condoms and was very pleased with the quality of his purchase. Ok, maybe this was a red flag, but I was intrigued. Reminder, I had not had sex in five years.

Jody announced that the hamburgers were ready, and we got up to grab our food. Dave was behind me, still chatting me up. What Dave lacked in height; he had in confidence. We stood there talking and eating when suddenly bird poop landed straight into my cleavage. I was mortified! Dave just looked at me and said “Want me to get that for you? “That led to the best two days and two nights of my life! The fact that there was “pent-up demand” may have skewed my perception, but regardless Dave had learned a thing or two from those magazines. He also turned out to be a really nice guy. We didn’t see each other again after that second night. And that was ok. I will always be eternally grateful to him for that experience and that he was the first to ease me back into single life.

Until next time,

❤️

Olivia