Ghosted!!!

Hi there, it’s Olivia!

After Charlie’s experience with Matt, I decided to research ghosting and how this became a thing. “Ghosting” is the practice of completely cutting off all communication without any notice or warning. This term was coined in the early 2000s with the increased popularity of dating apps and social media.

Well, go figure. Dating apps and social media are often the culprits for poor communication and behavior. It makes sense that they facilitate this form of breaking up without actually going through the motions of breaking up, normalizing a bad habit that should be a rarity. When did we decide that it is okay to just disappear without any explanation or reason? As we would say in the south, it is simply poor etiquette. It would be the equivalent of walking

away from a conversation with someone mid-sentence and never coming back!

Being ghosted can make you feel insignificant and confused. As if telling you the reason that they are no longer communicating is too much of an effort or waste of time. Of course, the effect of ghosting depends on the length of time that you were seeing each other. Being ghosted after initial texting or one date may seem rude versus the pain and depression that can result from being ghosted after months to years of dating or being friends. Though it may be uncomfortable and awkward, I have always tried to let someone know why I don’t feel it is best for us to continue to see each other. Often, it was because I was not in the right place for a relationship, and it had nothing to do with them. I wouldn’t want someone wondering why or making up their own stories as to why I no longer want to see them, which is what happens to people. They tell themselves they are not smart, attractive, or successful enough for that

person, when most of the time it has nothing to do with it and everything to do with the ghoster just being a jerk. Ghosters are typically self-centered, avoidant, and manipulative. Maybe they are doing us a favor by removing themselves from our lives.🤷‍♀️

There was one instance when I ghosted someone and with very good reason. I met this guy on Hinge and met up with him at a restaurant the next town over. He was an attractive man and looked ideal on paper. Halfway through the evening, I realized that something was very off about him. He was divorced but living with his ex... for TEN YEARS! He made it clear that he was not ever going to leave his house or let her leave with the kids. Then he asked the waiter a question in a joking tone, but I could tell that he was talking down to him. His mannerisms were so entitled, that it made my skin crawl. I explained that I needed to get home and he insisted on walking me to my car. He tried to kiss me and as I pulled away, he put his hand around my neck. I froze, terrified by what he might do next. He took his hand off

and said, “Don’t be such a cock tease” and walked away. I breathed a sigh of relief. The next morning, he had the nerve to text me to let me know “how much he enjoyed our date”. I never responded, blocked, and reported him to Hinge. He even attempted to connect with me on another dating site. This is a case where ghosting is completely warranted and highly recommended!!

Beyond this extreme example, I would advise that a short, yet kind explanation be given when deciding to disconnect from another person. Think about how you would want someone to treat you and use this as your guide. It might be unpleasant but, in the end, both you and the other person will get the closure that is needed to move on.

Until next time,

❤️ Olivia