The Story of Ryley

Hi there, It’s Ryley

I have heard my mom tell these stories in her head, so I know how it starts. I am taking this opportunity to tell my story, while Mom drives us back from our road trip. We have been driving for 2 hours and she hasn’t played with me once! I threw my ball at her in the front seat, but she got mad at me. She started yelling something about the ball getting stuck under the pedal and both of us dying. I think that she was just being dramatic.

She keeps thinking about some guy named Hot Josh. That is a weird name. It is the same thing she says about the street when she wants me to walk on the grass. I am not sure how this guy has anything to do with the pavement. I hope that he is better than the last guy. He was nice enough to me, but he made my mom cry all the time. He slept a lot. And when I tried to play with him, he just let the ball hit him and told me to go find my mom. I am glad that Mom took me with her.

Both are better than my last humans. Mom keeps wanting me to talk to the lady about it, I think she calls her a sidekick. She keeps wanting to know where I came from, how I was treated, how I got lost. I don’t really want to talk about it. I didn’t know that I wasn’t

supposed to play with the cows. They kept yelling at me and calling me “useless”. Then the man human kicked me and left me in the field.

I kept waiting for them to come back to get me. But I saw three sunsets and got hungry, so I started to venture out on my own. Finally, this nice lady called to me with cheese in her hand. I love cheese! She put me in this metal house. It was ok, but I just wanted to play ball. They took me to this store with lots of other animals to show me off. I saw Mom behind the aisle with the treats. She was walking right toward me.

I did my best to tilt my head and look really cute. I even peed in the corner by the frisbees, to show her that I was in charge. I am so glad that I picked her because she took me home right away to my favorite place in the world. I even have my own room. Sometimes other people sleep there, but I let them because I can just go sleep with my mom in her room. One time this lady was mean to me, and I pooped on her bag with her

clothes. Mom was furious with me, but that lady had it coming. She locked me in the bedroom when they left. She said it was an accident, but I don’t believe her.

Mom can’t stay mad at me for very long because she loves me so much. I think that she is just beautiful! Especially when she puts on those shiny things on her face.

She complains about cells on her legs when she looks in the mirror. I don’t know what that means, but I think that she is perfect. So perfect that I can’t help but stare at her all the time. It is my job to make sure that she is ok. So, I take it seriously.

I heard Mom say that Eva is coming back to town. I really like her, but I hope she doesn’t bring another thing for me to wear. I pretend like I like it because I don’t want to hurt her feelings. She is so happy when she sees me in the outfits and calls me Sir Ryley. Like “royalty” she says. I do like it when she takes me in the car to that place where she gets me breakfast. Pumpkin bread. I can have pumpkin, right? Mom says that I need to watch my “caloric intake” because my backside got so big that I fell off the staircase after Eva’s visit. And I kept bumping into things in the house. Anyway, I think I need to stop now because Mom is pulling into our driveway. It was nice talking to all of you.

Have a good day!

🐾🐾